Let me know if this seems like a reasonable format or if there seems to be something missing. (Apart from the Angus News section - we'll get to that soon and add it to this post.)
Finally we travel
Here’s a fantastic offer from the Duck Avenger Travel- Agency: a two-way trip to New Zealand for only 3800 Lire. The price includes the overnight stay with 80 luxuriously colored pages.
During the trip from Duckburg, one of our staff-members will be happy to show you our new set of Avenger-brand pots and pans. If you use them responsibly (for example by not using them at all), it is virtually impossible to burn your food. And you’ll hardly ever need to clean it, either. Whoever buys at least three complete sets will receive a reproduction of a PKard - the official Duck Avenger fan club membership card.
Your guide is a native speaker, which is a great asset to her, even if she has no idea what that particularly difficult word means. She will be the one to greet you at the airport with her own kind of welcome salute: a swift punch to the chin, with full shoulder impact. And immediately you will find yourself in the kind of atmosphere that only Angus Fangus’ native land can bring.
PERSUADER OF THE PEOPLE
Activity: Ufologist and preacher
Base: Cape Dominion, New Zealand
Objective: To pave the way for the incoming colonization of the Earth by an alien civilization
Sincerity: She believes firmly in what she professes
Enthusiasm: Blind. She is so absorbed in her “mission” that she doesn’t realize that Fenimore Cook is using her
Persuasive capacities: Remarkable. She even made Rangi Fangus step down as clan leader
How she appears: A natural leader, confident, decisive
How she is: Fragile, unstable, unsettled
Touch with reality: Almost none. She doesn’t realize what it would mean if the Evronians were to conquer Earth
Alternate destiny: Considering her great knowledge of the movement of stars and planets, she would’ve been a great astrologer
Catchphrase: “We’re expecting you!”
Weakness: Paranoid exaltation
Base: Wellington, New Zealand
Characteristics: He is every bit as diabolical as he looks
Obsession: He is a money-making machine
Main activity 1: Only shareholder of Cook Ltd, multinational corporation that operates in various sectors
Main activity 2: To access reserved information and then, naturally, to use it. Let’s just say that it’s his fault Angus Fangus had to leave New Zealand
Type of business: Any type, clean or not, as long as it pays off
Strategy: Money = Power
Ramification: Planetary, and if he could go further he would. No doubt he’d make business agreements with the Evronians, as long as they pay
M.O: He corrupts. He remains unpunished due to his high number of connections
Catchphrase: “It’s all mine now!”
Thorn in the side: Angus Fangus
Weakness: Pickett, his secretary
Embarrassing connection: Mother of Angus
Rank: Clan leader. She easily carries around her male name
Look: Bizarre, with an eye (half) open for femininity
Characteristics: Rough, tough, decisive, not a fan of diplomacy and negotiation
Underneath: A true momma, she can’t keep her domestic tasks separate from the official ones. She is a fighting mother, untamable and stubborn, brave, and very capable with weapons and in battle
Relationship with Angus: She’d rather not have one. She doesn’t know the truth behind why Angus left New Zealand
Relationship with her clan: It’s her family. That’s why she considers Angus leaving a double act of treason, both personal and collective
Emotions: She is able to go through any danger without ever blinking, but a romantic movie might open up the flood gates
Weakness: Same as her strengths: Her family, her clan, and her land
Catchphrase: “Welcome back, son!” followed by an uppercut
Enemies: Besides the Evronians, she must fight the power and greed of Fenimore Cook
A NEW LOOK
We had no idea about what tailoring capabilities One had been hiding until we laid eyes on the tactical suit worn by The Avenger. Not only is it aesthetically beautiful, it’s also a technological marvel that gives the user freedom of movement while maintaining the body temperature. This is due to the installment of a fabric covered by a net of sensors controlled by a thermal-biological compensator that allows the user to survive in the coldest of temperatures. Lightness, resistance, and comfort are also characteristics of the hobnail boots made of molecularly varied plasticized resin. Their fundamental use is that with the decrease of temperature, the cohesion of the boots increases; this is to prevent the boots from breaking, exposing and freezing the foot.
People are born tough, but then, thanks to a pencil and an eraser, they can become both (1) strong, (2) ruthless, and (3) exalted.
Sometimes the hand of the artist, and in this case the “Ferocious” Paolo Mottura, can create miracles worthy of plastic surgeons. The greatest example is case 2, Mr. Cook. Compare this “before” drawing with the one that appears in the story: The only thing that didn’t change is his weight.
“Sweet” Rangi, on the other hand, was practically perfect from the start (as a mother worthy of a great son should be): Version 1 is pretty much identical to the final one. And what about that paranoid preacher, Nebula? You’ll probably notice that after modeling her original version (3), she made an appointment for a haircut. (And don’t laugh at her, because she gets sensitive!) And maybe said appointment also included a brainwashing.
The artist also has another power: Ever heard of cloning? Thanks to Mottura’s powers, clones of Fenimore Cook’s original version (2) are all hiding in the comic you just read.
Can you find the clones? Let us know!
I Want The Life With Privelieges
I love privileges. That’s why I’ve got credit cards of every kind stuffed in my pockets.
The true journalist, as you may already know, never pays for anything: In fact, he rightly believes that society should make anything that could make the job easier available to him. How many times have you heard the phrase “Give that journalist some credit”? Yet, people waste our times with wretched monetary requests, humiliating chases, and infamous police reports. To avoid all that, I use credit cards: The advantage is that I can walk around without money, but still buy everything. I ignore the bills, though: Considering how much time is spent reading every day the in the life of a journalist, I do not waste energy deciphering these papers covered in numbers, written with an irritated and blackmailing tone (“Dear Dr. Fangus, if we do not receive the sum of money due to your credit, we will…” etc. etc.)
I also have other types of cards: one of my favorites is my Infidaty Card, given out by the “Manolunga” supermarket chain to its best clients. It’s very useful: If I show it to the officer that follows me each time, I can get a 10% sentence reduction when it comes to shoplifting and embezzlement. Not to mention my Two-of-spades card, a prestigious card that proves the partnership with a restricted group of open-minded thinkers. Just show the two-of-spades card and you’ll always get a VIP treatment: on a plain or in a hotel, you’ll get accommodations that not even the richest billionaire can get: Have you ever traveled in the luggage hold of a Jumbo jet? Because I, I assure you, have not!
THIS MONTH’S SCOOP IS…NEXT MONTH!
What is the past? A kind of sauce? A soup, maybe? No: The past is just the present that’s passed its expiration date… But what do you know of MY past? Nothing: So I think it’s time that not just our descendants (who will know of me through history books) but also my contemporaries familiarize themselves with my life and my works. That’s why I decided that in the next issue, you won’t find this page anymore (which is good, because I’m the one who has to write all this). But in their place you will find a series of short stories that will narrate the story of my life before coming to Duckburg. Oh, those great years of games and of punishments (and what punishments! Check out these pictures “stolen” from my accomplice Alessio Coppola)! Oh, New Zealand, the country that became even newer after getting rid of me! Well, see you next month!
Go to start of this issue
Let Disney know that you want to see an official translation of Paperinik New Adventures – here’s how!
Disney has already shown an interest in the characters – Superduck comics are now available in the US, the UK, and Italy through Disney Digicomics! A growing archive of never-before-translated comics are now available. Here’s a brief explanation.